What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
