Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
