she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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