a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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