I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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