so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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