I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
