Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
