What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
