I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
