He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
