:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
