just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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