dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
