My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
