I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
