I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
