she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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