i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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