I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
