ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
