why didn't you poke me back
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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