my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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