why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
