we're blogging at a bar
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
