ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
