I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize