Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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