So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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