I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
