Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
