Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
