return my video game
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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