as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
