If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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