that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
