So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
