that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
