Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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