You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
they call him Oral-B. enough said
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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