did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
