I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
North Korea, Best Korea!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
foreskin is a definite game changer
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
