you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
