is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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