CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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