once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
