apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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