today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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