I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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