I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think my fart just growled at me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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