i think i have two assholes
handjob tips. give me some.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
