see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
