if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
