After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
handjob tips. give me some.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
