Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
