im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
