when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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