we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I am naked and annoyed.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
