FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
