An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
