Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
