i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize