you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
whose ass print is on the piano?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
