In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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