I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
