Got a toothbrush?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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