You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
