I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
