and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
