Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude i'm inner monologue high
time to smoke my breakfast
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I will be naked everywhere
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
