My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize