I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
