sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
