dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
this just has baby written all over it
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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