apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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