I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
