dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
