We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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