I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
