Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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