that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
