He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize