I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
