I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
