Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
