Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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