There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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