I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
