u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
