Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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