oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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