Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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