i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize