Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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