something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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