i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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