Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
