If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My vagina just clenched in fear
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
