btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
