guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
