True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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