whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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