dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
