If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
