from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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