I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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