Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
